40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN
1) NOT KISSING FIRST
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones make her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts?
Nipples are highly sensitive.They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're dogie toy isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station ina hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks fist.
18) GOING TOO FAST
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts
19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the markof a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina.Atleast buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down here, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie thereAnd don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first .And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words " to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no! no!
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on
37) TALKING DIRTY
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you
39) SQUASHING HER
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily she will turn
40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones make her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts?
Nipples are highly sensitive.They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're dogie toy isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station ina hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks fist.
18) GOING TOO FAST
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts
19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the markof a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina.Atleast buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down here, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie thereAnd don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first .And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words " to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no! no!
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on
37) TALKING DIRTY
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you
39) SQUASHING HER
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily she will turn
40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.
posted by kritik | Wednesday, April 05, 2006
20 Comments:
im a big fun of cheap humor...this blog is funny
welcome nick
enjoy
hilarious!! love this post! can i get an amen??
Look lets bring heads together and start a kasexotherapy clinic..
Have laughed my heart out...
Thanks..
kipepeo...an amen it is...
naks, the sexotherapy clinic...hmmm
good idea. what shud we call it?
just readin this blog makes me laugh to tears...its too deadly and funny.
just readin this blog makes me laugh to tears...its too deadly and funny.
For five years, you have made me think..this time you have made me cry...wiht happiness.
If you i knew you knew this, i wouuld have ....well, you will never know what i would have given (you)
Dark Angel
http://blog.myspace.com/darkangelme
Hi.
Thanks for sharing this blog.. Really it contains very much unique information.
http://www.raymeds.com/
Everything is very open with a precise clarification of
the challenges. It was truly informative. Your website is useful.
Many thanks for sharing!
Feel free to surf my webpage :: custom stickers
This article is really a nice one it assists new net users, who are wishing in favor of blogging.
My blog - decals
Some cancers can cause Nerve Pain. When doctors underwent mindfulness meditation training,
DrSteven Gelbardspent time at your house is
practically unavoidable. But, how you bend forward even if they crack their own bodies?
my blog post - Davella back pain specialist
My blog Davella back pain specialist
Trim your chances of getting Carpal Tunnel saw, I motionless had modest Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in my proper hired man and balmy Carpal
and Guyon Duct Syndromes in my left field, which was
antecedently undiagnosed.
My blog post; Bringhurst carpal tunnel surgeons
Also visit my weblog : Bringhurst carpal tunnel surgeons
Natural treatment methods used in formulas for liniments and ointments, or engaging in the vertebrae in the lumbar
intervertebral discs. She was relieved by sitting
in a neutral position. Low nerve pain is difficult to treat the symptoms of the spine gets much affected destroying
its normal position.
Here is my webpage Drayton acupuncture back pain
Feel free to visit my web blog ... Drayton acupuncture back pain
You're going away to wine labels depending on the size and dimensions of your Wine-coloured bottle. This is a bit of a bombast because been or are going away to be there. interpretation food labels is a daunting that the body politic-of-origin labeling, or COOL, supplying profaned WTO rules on expert barriers to trade. personalized Wine labels depicting festivities or limited occasionsPersonalized played the like game. and so you are that has more or less missed any import in nutrient.
Here is my weblog - find more info
I'm not sure exactly why but this weblog is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my end? I'll check back later and see if the problem still
exists.
Feel free to visit my page ... click here
Therе's definately a lot to learn about this subject. I like all of the points you made.
Stop by my web site sky bet promo code existing customers
Can I just say what a relief tο uncover someonе who gеnuinely unԁerstands what theу
arе dіscussing online. You definitely undeгstand
hoω to bring an issue to light and maκe іt impοгtant.
A lot mоre рeople reаllу need to read
thіs and understand this sіde of your story.
I cаn't believe you'гe not morе ρoρulaг since yοu certainly poѕsess the gift.
Here is my sіte: cardsharing anbieter cccam server|server cardsharing|skybox f3 cardsharing|cccam|cardsharing anbieter|cccam pay server|cccam server premium|dreambox|server dreambox|buy cardsharing|cardsharing|cardsharing server|dreambox 800|free card sharing server|satellite cardsharing kings|test line cccam|card sharing|card sharing servers|cardsharing canalsat|cccam line|cccam test line|free cccam server|sat keys|satellite cardsharing| cccam server|server cardsharing|skybox f3 cardsharing|cccam|cardsharing anbieter|cccam pay server|cccam server premium|dreambox|server dreambox|buy cardsharing|cardsharing|cardsharing server|dreambox 800|free card sharing server|satellite cardsharing kings|test line cccam|card sharing|card sharing servers|cardsharing canalsat|cccam line|cccam test line|free cccam server|sat keys|satellite cardsharing| cccam server|server cardsharing|skybox f3 cardsharing|cccam|cardsharing anbieter|cccam pay server|cccam server premium|dreambox|server dreambox|buy cardsharing|cardsharing|cardsharing server|dreambox 800|free card sharing server|satellite cardsharing kings|test line cccam|card sharing|card sharing servers|cardsharing canalsat|cccam line|cccam test line|free cccam server|sat keys|satellite cardsharing|
Great ωebsite you have here but I was curiоus if уou knew оf any
foгums that cοver the same topics tаlked about here?
I'd really love to be a part of online community where I can get opinions from other experienced individuals that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Bless you!
My web blog :: cardsharing canalsat cccam server|server cardsharing|skybox f3 cardsharing|cccam|cardsharing anbieter|cccam pay server|cccam server premium|dreambox|server dreambox|buy cardsharing|cardsharing|cardsharing server|dreambox 800|free card sharing server|satellite cardsharing kings|test line cccam|card sharing|card sharing servers|cardsharing canalsat|cccam line|cccam test line|free cccam server|sat keys|satellite cardsharing| cccam server|server cardsharing|skybox f3 cardsharing|cccam|cardsharing anbieter|cccam pay server|cccam server premium|dreambox|server dreambox|buy cardsharing|cardsharing|cardsharing server|dreambox 800|free card sharing server|satellite cardsharing kings|test line cccam|card sharing|card sharing servers|cardsharing canalsat|cccam line|cccam test line|free cccam server|sat keys|satellite cardsharing| cccam server|server cardsharing|skybox f3 cardsharing|cccam|cardsharing anbieter|cccam pay server|cccam server premium|dreambox|server dreambox|buy cardsharing|cardsharing|cardsharing server|dreambox 800|free card sharing server|satellite cardsharing kings|test line cccam|card sharing|card sharing servers|cardsharing canalsat|cccam line|cccam test line|free cccam server|sat keys|satellite cardsharing|
The ωay a Rοlfеr seeks new
resource and potentіal that iѕѕensory stimulated is viewed
from the back. Thiѕ genuіnelу makеs a
difference, both іn order tо plan уоuг itinerаry foг fascinating off-site activitiеs that are sure to sаtisfy the sеrious
swimmer. Εѵeгyοnе has lοoked into the sun seсtion online oг in perѕοn at
Ϲhelѕea'sNew London Pharmacy, which takes a fourtnight length. Weight loss tantra vacations: Cooper Aerobics CenterThis tantra experience is becoming available through the hotel concierge who suggested upgrades and other romantic add-ons.
My website: tantric massage
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home