Jokes , Trivia & Anecdotes...

yaaaaawn!!!!!! the silly pieces as forwarded to me. i claim no originality. so dont accuse me of plagiarism!!!

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Location: Westlands, Nairobi, Kenya

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Monday, August 07, 2006

How to make a woman happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy; a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a good mother
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate


45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls


51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes


54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


1. Bring beer
2. Hand over the remote.
3. no foreplay
4. more sex!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


1. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

2. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

3. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

4. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

5. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.

6. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

7. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

8. Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

9. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

10. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

11. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

12. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

13. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

14. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

15. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

16. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

17. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

18. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.

19. Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

20. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

22. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

24. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

25. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

26. When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

27. Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "> jack bauer"

28. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?

29. Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

30. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

31. What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

32 Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

33. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

34. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

35. Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're dead."

36. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

37. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

38. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

39. When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

40. It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.

41. Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

43. After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.

44. Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once